Saturday, August 15, 2009

Opening Night Triple Header

The 2009-2010 FBA season kicked off with three exciting games in a new venue and featured a laundry list of fresh talent. The Lincoln St. Center features similar length and width dimensions as the previously used Ailee Arena, but players may have to adjust to the lower ceilings. The Lincoln St. Center is the first official FBA court with hardwood floors, an element league executives hope will aid in ball control and cut down on turnovers.

Game one featured two of the youngest teams in the league. Drew Division team The Original Peaches played host to the Alex Division Trademark team. Trademark outlasted The Original Peaches to win 101-94.

Fans in Rockford Illinois were excited to see the Peaches' young new center, 2nd overall pick King K. Rool. He finished his first FBA game with 15 points, but only shot 6-16 from the field.
The night fared better for Trademark's new rookie forward, Petey Piranha. Petey played with confidence and scored a team high 34 points in leading his team to victory.

The score went back and forth for most of the first half, but Trademark managed to pull away in the third quarter. The Peaches made a strong comeback, behind an incredible shooting night by backup guard Bomber, but fell just short. Bomber made 9 three pointers and scored 37 points, a game high.

The night's second game was played at the North Pole. Drew Division cellar-dweller Stalking Stuffers hosted The MTPs from the Alex Division. The Stalking Stuffers posted the worst record in the FBA last season, but managed a victory at home 100 to 97. Stalking Stuffers star forward Santa Claus secured his 7th career triple double in the victory, notching 44 points, 10 rebounds and 10 assists. Newly acquired center Diablo scored 13 points for the Stuffers in his FBA debut.

Barbie led the MTPs in scoring with 30 points. King Hippo scored 18 points and grabbed 12 rebounds off the bench, but couldn't slow Santa enough to secure a win.

The final game of the night featured Drew Division powerhouse Gimli's Beard visiting Sesame Street to take on The Street.

Reigning Rookie of the Year Big Bird scored 26 points for The Street, leading his team to a 101-97 victory. Rookie forward Tank scored 11 in his first game playing alongside Big Bird.

Gimli's Beard had a chance to win late, but a three pointer by guard Legolas bounced out. Legolas led all scorers with 29. The miss led to a game winning jumper by Kermit the Frog, who scored 22.

Notes: Onaga, the new rookie center for the MTP's, struggled in his first game. He scored 7 points and only made 2 of his 9 shot attempts. Talon, lauded for his talent but criticized for behavioral issues, scored 11 points off the bench for Gimli's Beard.
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Welcome to the FBA!

The Fake Basketball Association was invented circa 1994 in the basement of our home. It is essentially Nerf basketball taken to a ridiculous level.

It began as typical little boy fantasy: me and my brother pretending to be in the NBA. Eventually, made up players joined our team that exceeded typical size and talent levels of actual human beings. One example would be Yao Khan, the 7'11" Chinese national that joined the NBA with incredible size and ability. Obviously, this became somewhat ironic when Yao Ming, an actual gigantic Chinese national was drafted into the NBA.

Eventually, different teams and players were made and it has escalated to the point where there are not only teams and games, but stats, press conferences, drafts, free agency, trades and now, this blog. If we had the accounting experience, salaries and salary caps would already be in place. This is in the works. The game has evolved as my brother and I grew and are now relatively large men standing 6'4" and 6'5".

Games are held sporadically throughout the week and quite often at extremely odd hours. There are some rules that differ from Dr. Naismith's original design to compensate for the structural limitations present in the FBA. Examples of these rule changes:
- Games are played to 100 points.
- Games are not timed.
- Quarters are played in 25 point increments. For example, if the score is tied at 24, the next made shot will end the first quarter.
- No blocking jump shots. Distractions however, are common, if not encouraged. (Waving, snapping, funny movie lines, etc.).
- Many infractions and even timeouts result in the team, not individual players, being assessed a technical foul. However, 50 technicals are required before free throws commence (The league is yet to experience a technical free throw).
- AWP, which stands for Arbitrary Wall Player. Once a player has discontinued dribbling, they can pass to a "ghost" player or simply pass it back to themselves by passing it off the wall. Neither of these passes are allowed to be stolen. Despite the game really being played 1 on 1, we pretend it's 5 on 5.
- For the most part, there is no out of bounds, unless the ball can completely leave the room of play.
- Structures in the room are playable, and named. For instance, a shot that hits the ceiling, knows as Ceiling Dion, is just counted as a missed shot and is playable. Hitting the garage door opener (Garage Muresan) or a light bulb (Manute Bulb) are likewise playable.
- For all players or coaches from India (Great Tiger, Aladdin, Jafar and Coach Dhalsim) it is required to speak with a thick Indian accent. For no reason whatsoever, we consider these players to be crude and foul-mouthed.
- Determined by us, knows as "our discretion," players have specific talent levels and we are required to adhere to these predeterminations of how good a player is and what they are capable of to the best of our ability. For instance, Mario is very similar to Allen Iverson. Beast (From Beauty and the Beast, not X-men) is equivalent to the Laker's version of Shaquille O'neal. However, Captain Hook is lucky to be in the league, and Chewbacca is a raw talent that makes rookie mistakes. It is unlikely that Bowser or Goro beat anyone off the dribble, but both are very difficult to stop in the low post.
-The league is divided into two divisions, the Alex division and the Drew division, each containing nine teams. Games played between teams from different divisions are known as inter-conference games. These are games that are actually played using the rules above. Conversely, the league records intra-conference games (teams within the same division), however, these games are decided by dice rolls, or more commonly, "our discretion," without any actual play taking place.

Results and statistics will be posted as available.