Welcome to the FBA!
The Fake Basketball Association was invented circa 1994 in the basement of our home. It is essentially Nerf basketball taken to a ridiculous level.
It began as typical little boy fantasy: me and my brother pretending to be in the NBA. Eventually, made up players joined our team that exceeded typical size and talent levels of actual human beings. One example would be Yao Khan, the 7'11" Chinese national that joined the NBA with incredible size and ability. Obviously, this became somewhat ironic when Yao Ming, an actual gigantic Chinese national was drafted into the NBA.
Eventually, different teams and players were made and it has escalated to the point where there are not only teams and games, but stats, press conferences, drafts, free agency, trades and now, this blog. If we had the accounting experience, salaries and salary caps would already be in place. This is in the works. The game has evolved as my brother and I grew and are now relatively large men standing 6'4" and 6'5".
Games are held sporadically throughout the week and quite often at extremely odd hours. There are some rules that differ from Dr. Naismith's original design to compensate for the structural limitations present in the FBA. Examples of these rule changes:
- Games are played to 100 points.
- Games are not timed.
- Quarters are played in 25 point increments. For example, if the score is tied at 24, the next made shot will end the first quarter.
- No blocking jump shots. Distractions however, are common, if not encouraged. (Waving, snapping, funny movie lines, etc.).
- Many infractions and even timeouts result in the team, not individual players, being assessed a technical foul. However, 50 technicals are required before free throws commence (The league is yet to experience a technical free throw).
- AWP, which stands for Arbitrary Wall Player. Once a player has discontinued dribbling, they can pass to a "ghost" player or simply pass it back to themselves by passing it off the wall. Neither of these passes are allowed to be stolen. Despite the game really being played 1 on 1, we pretend it's 5 on 5.
- For the most part, there is no out of bounds, unless the ball can completely leave the room of play.
- Structures in the room are playable, and named. For instance, a shot that hits the ceiling, knows as Ceiling Dion, is just counted as a missed shot and is playable. Hitting the garage door opener (Garage Muresan) or a light bulb (Manute Bulb) are likewise playable.
- For all players or coaches from India (Great Tiger, Aladdin, Jafar and Coach Dhalsim) it is required to speak with a thick Indian accent. For no reason whatsoever, we consider these players to be crude and foul-mouthed.
- Determined by us, knows as "our discretion," players have specific talent levels and we are required to adhere to these predeterminations of how good a player is and what they are capable of to the best of our ability. For instance, Mario is very similar to Allen Iverson. Beast (From Beauty and the Beast, not X-men) is equivalent to the Laker's version of Shaquille O'neal. However, Captain Hook is lucky to be in the league, and Chewbacca is a raw talent that makes rookie mistakes. It is unlikely that Bowser or Goro beat anyone off the dribble, but both are very difficult to stop in the low post.
-The league is divided into two divisions, the Alex division and the Drew division, each containing nine teams. Games played between teams from different divisions are known as inter-conference games. These are games that are actually played using the rules above. Conversely, the league records intra-conference games (teams within the same division), however, these games are decided by dice rolls, or more commonly, "our discretion," without any actual play taking place.
Results and statistics will be posted as available.
0 comments:
Post a Comment